Lawak cikgu dan anak murid

PART I

Cikgu Nasyor sedang mengendali kelasnya dalam aktiviti sukan di padang sekolah. Seperti biasa, Cikgu Nasyor akan menyuruh murid²nya melakukan regangan otot. Tiba di satu bahagian, dimana murid² baring dan mengangkat kaki lalu menggerakkannya seperti sedang mengayuh basikal. Cikgu Nasyor asyik memerhati seorang muridnya yang pada mulanya menggerakkan kakinya tiba² memberhentikan kakinya. Lalu Cikgu Nasyor menyergah muridnya yang bernama Mat.

Cikgu Nasyor: "Woiiii Mat, apa sebab kau berhenti ni hah"
Mat : "Oh Cikgu Nasyor, basikal saya tengah turun bukit Cikgu, sebab tu saya berhenti.Takkan nak kayuh jugak."

PART II

Waktu sekolah telah tamat. Sebelum keluar kelas, Cikgu Nasyor telah bertanya kpd murid²nya.
Cikgu : Siapa nak masuk/pergi syurga?
Semua murid mengangkat tangan kecuali Mat lalu Cikgu Nasyor pun bertanya,
Cikgu : Mat, kenapa awak tak nak pergi/masuk syurga?
Mat : Mak saya kata lepas habis sekolah, terus balik rumah..jangan pergi mana-mana.

PART III
Cikgu Nasyor sedang mengajar Bahasa Melayu dalam kelas 1 Mawar...
Cikgu : Mat, boleh kamu buat ayat dengan menggunakan perkataan tepong?
Mat : Itu senang saja cikgu.. ayatnya ialah.... emak sedang membuat kek di dapur.
Cikgu : Mana tepungnya??
Man : Tepung kan ke dalam kek tu.... Cikgu nie tak sekolah ke hape??

PART V

Cikgu Nasyor : Joe, cuba terangkan apakah tugas akar pokok pisang?
Joe : Untuk mencari makanan, cikgu
Cikgu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Wati pulak. Apakah tugas batang pokok pisang?
Wati : Untuk membawa makanan yang dicari akarnya, cikgu.
Cikgu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Mat pula. Apakah tugas daun pisang?
Mat :untuk membungkus nasi lemak, cikgu...
Cikgu Nasyor : uii... lagi bagus... berdiri atas meja sampai habis kelas..

Share

Nak Penuhkan Line Handphone

Full Bar Coverage

Handphone ataupun telefon bimbit secanggih mana pun tidak berguna sekiranya coverage tak ada kan . Di dalam lif dan basement tempat parking kereta merupakan antara kawasan 'pantang' bagi handphone (hp). Ini kerana di tempat-tempat tersebut coverage hp amat rendah sehingga 1 bar dan kadang-kadang tiada langsung!

Bayangkan sekiranya anda berada dalam situasi yang yang cemas dan amat memerlukan pertolongan. Tetapi hp mahal anda itu tidak dapat melaksanakan tugasnya dengan cemerlang. Tentu anda mempunyai sebab munasabah untuk berasa kecewa dan menyesal bukan???

Ini satu informasi untuk anda dan sesiapa sahaja yang menggunakan hp 1G, 2G ataupun 3G. Dengan menggunakan wang kertas RM2 sahaja anda boleh mendapatkan full bar untuk hp walaupun di mana sahaja anda berada.

Ini kerana wang kertas RM2 mempunyai satu elemen untuk 'boost up' coverage hp anda. Mungkin anda berasa sedikit hairan. Tetapi percayalah ini merupakan satu kenyataan yang tidak boleh dinafikan!!!

Kaedah ini sesuai untuk semua pengguna 013, 016, 019, 012, 017 dan sebagainya.

Caranya ( Perhatian sila baca dan ikuti langkah-langkah ini dengan teliti) :

Langkah 1 : Off atau matikan hp anda.

Langkah 2 : Lipatkan wang kertas RM2 menjadi sama saiz dengan bateri hp anda.
Kemudian selitkan duit yang telah dilipat tadi bersama bateri hp anda.

Langkah 3 : On atau hidupkankan semula hp. Periksa bar pada hp anda. Semasa hp anda on, pastikan kod 'ID. 10T' tertera pada skrin hp anda.

Sekiranya kod 'ID. 10T' tertera di skrin, hp anda tidak akan mengalami masalah coverage lagi!

*Sila ambil perhatian;

Sekiranya kod 'ID.10T' tidak tertera pada skrin, sila periksa sebuah satelit yang besar di belakang wang kertas RM2 tersebut.

Pastikan sama ada satelit tersebut berfungsi dengan baik atau tidak.



Sekiranya masih tidak berjaya, sila ketuk-ketuk sikit hp anda dengan duit RM2 tu sekali. Sila periksa samada tengkolok Agong jatuh ataupun tidak. Kedudukan tengkolok yang tidak stabil mungkin penyebab mengapa kod 'ID.10T' tidak muncul di skrin hp anda.

Kalau masih tidak berjaya hentakkan hp di dahi anda 10 kali.

Mungkin kod 'ID.10T' dah bertukar menjadi 'IDIOT' ! Sape tahu yer tak??

Jgn marah kalau dah terkena......

Nasib baik duit RM2 tak dicetak lagi. Kalau tidak, lagi ramai yg fikir benda ni betul-betul...tapi cobaan.....

Share

Kenny G - If

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=tmD6oQIh7j4]

Share

Kenny G - What a Wonderful World

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=4aFc3aO4FKA][youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=zJePNFkkvFk]

Share

Tip Microsoft Excel

Easy Excel Searches 

 

Excel's AutoFilter converts the uppermost cell of each column in a list into a searchable drop-down list box. The list box contains the set choices All, Top 10, and Custom, then a sorted list of the column's unique values. With one click you can instantly filter your entire list based on the current column's contents. To turn on AutoFilter, select any single cell inside your list, then select 'Data->Filter->AutoFilter'. To turn AutoFilter off, deselect this option. The Custom choice will display a dialog box for more complex queries. For queries the basic AutoFilter dialog box can't handle, use Excel's Advanced Filter feature.

 

Filenames In Footers 

 

With Excel 2002, Microsoft added the ability to include the path to an Excel worksheet in its header or footer. The path is automatically updated if the file's location changes. Do this by selecting 'View->Header and Footer' (or 'File->Page Setup->Header/Footer') and clicking on the 'Custom Header' or 'Custom Footer' button. The button with the folder icon adds the necessary code '&[Path]&[File]' to the selected area of the header or footer. While you could select the path and filename from the list of preset headers/footers, a custom one lets you format the text and add an image, too.

 

Import Over 256 Columns in Excel 

 

You probably know that you can not insert a list with more than 256 lines in an Excel spreadsheet. You can fairly easily import them into multiple worksheets though. First, open a blank Workbook and choose Data->Import External Data->Import Data' from the menu. Select your CSV file as the import source. In the Import wizard, choose 'Delimited' and click 'Next'. Check the box next to 'Comma' and click 'Finish'. Excel will now ask where to put the data. click OK to accept the default location. You'll get a warning that some of the data won't fit. Click OK to continue regardless.Scroll all the way to the right-most column (column IV) in the imported data and take careful note of the data in the first few rows. Quite likely the data in row 1 will be the field name corresponding to the last imported column. Now select 'Sheet2' in your Workbook and repeat the process of importing the CSV file. This time, after checking the box next to 'Comma', click 'Next' rather than 'Finish'. Scroll to the right until you see the last column that was imported the first time around. Click on its column header, then scroll all the way to the left and Shift-click on the first column's header. Find the option titled 'Do not import column (skip)' in the panel at top right and click it. Now click 'Finish' to import the remaining columns. Of course if the total number of columns is greater than 512, you can repeat the import as many times as necessary, each time using a new worksheet and skipping the already-imported columns.

 

 

 

Link A Text Box To A Cell 

 

To link a text box to a worksheet cell, first, create a text box. Next, click inside the text box. Then, in the Formula bar, type an equal (=) sign. Finally, select the worksheet cell that contains the data or text you want shown in your text box and press 'Enter'. You may instead choose to type the reference to the worksheet cell. But remember to include the sheet name followed by an exclamation point, for example, Sheet1!F2, before pressing Enter. You can add a text box to your worksheet by using the text box tool on the Drawing toolbar.

 

Use Two Formats In One Cell 

 

In older versions of Excel, you could apply different formats to the text in the same cell, but it was awkward. You had to use keystroke combinations to turn on a particular format, type the text, and then turn the format off. Office 97/2000 lets you use format buttons. For example, first, select any blank cell and enter the text 'abc'. Next, press 'Alt+Enter' and type 'def'. (Both strings should be in the same cell, but on two different lines.) In the 'Formula' bar, highlight 'abc' and then click the 'Bold' button on the Formatting toolbar. Highlight 'def' and click the 'Underline' button. You won't notice any change in the Formula bar, but the cell will display the two strings and their formatting. 'abc' should be in bold and 'def' should be underlined. You've applied two different formats to the same cell.

 

View Which Cells Affect Which 

 

To find out which cells affect which, select 'Auditing' from the Tools menu, then choose 'Show Auditing Toolbar'. Click a cell with a formula, then select 'Trace Precedents', and arrows to the cells that are used to calculate the value of this particular cell will appear. Click the 'Trace Dependents' button again, and arrows to the cells that use this particular cell in their formulas will appear. To clear the arrows, click the 'Remove All Arrows' button.

 

Share